hard to live
by tasteslikemiso
Summary: "She's cute I guess," Tatsuki says as she swipes through the pictures of Shiro's latest girl, all bright hair and smiles. Shirosaki/Tatsuki AU drabble collection. Tatsuki is no good at doing what she should, she and Shiro have this in common.
1. a screaming comes across the sky

**Title: **a screaming comes across the sky**  
Author:** tasteslikemiso  
**Characters/Pairings: **Shirosaki/Tatsuki  
**Rating:** T; sex things  
**Word count:** 440  
**Notes: ** Title taken from the October 1, 2005 prompt for **31_days**.  
**Summary: **Darkness shelters their uneasy peace.

* * *

Halfway home, she catches him idly wandering around by the river. There are no streetlights anywhere, she calls out to him with the wrong name. He says nothing, she starts to turn away when she realizes it isn't him. Not Ichigo, never Ichigo. "Afraid of me?" he baits her, and she rises to it.

"I just don't have anything to say to you. I thought you were someone else."

He grins, but it's all theater. "Let me guess, Ichigo?" The name comes out like a curse. "Couldn't have been more wrong, darling."

Her eyes are looking past him, already searching for a way out of the conversation. He grabs her arm to get her attention, and she jerks back as if she'd been burned.

His self-restraint snaps with a great invisible crash and in an instant he is pressed in close to her, practically snarling in her face. He can smell her fear, and it gives him a rush, the power he has over her. But the fear isn't complete, not yet, because there is something weak and emotional in her that sees him and dreams Ichigo, clinging to the familiarity of his face.

"It kills you doesn't it? He doesn't see you and there's nothing you can do." She tries to catch him unawares with her left and he rebuffs it easily, grabbing her tightly as she fights him for every inch. They tumble to the ground together, as he tries to restrain her without hurting her. Another nuisance he damns Ichigo for. Who the fuck cares if her arm breaks? It's happened before.

He looks down at the girl writhing under him, hating her too for getting under his skin like this, for reminding him that to her and everyone else, he will always be lesser. Suddenly he is kissing her furiously, escaping into lust and driven to take something back. Dark all around them and she is pressing back into the kiss, slowly he moves to nip at the curve of her neck.

The blue shadows of emptying day have deepened into black, he is bleached white to the bone. She moans softly "Shiro," he wants to tear her out of her clothes. He leaves bruises spreading across her pale skin, marking her body with his teeth and tongue.

They have begun to move together, bodies drawing tighter and tighter. Their limbs knot together, lips frantic to reach each other, speeding closer towards the way out.

Sundays with no traffic, few cars pass by the river, and they are far enough from the road to escape notice. Sirens blare in the distance of the desolate city.


	2. fortuna

**Title: **fortuna**  
Author:** tasteslikemiso  
**Characters/Pairings: **Shirosaki, Tatsuki, Ichigo  
**Rating:** K+  
**Word count:** 545  
**Notes: ** Title taken from the October 2, 2005 prompt for **31_days**. Shirosaki makes a pilgrimage to Lady Luck.  
**Summary:** I have no kingdom, but I shall rule.

* * *

The road narrows as he reaches the temple, the broken stones marking a forgotten path. He ascends the wooden steps and a young priestess greets him at the door. She is slight, with dark unruly hair, and blindfolded. He presses a silver coin into her palm.

"This is more than we usually take," she says, feeling the size of it in her hand.

"I want more than you usually give."

She scowls and turns away. This man is dangerous, and she is doubtful. "Follow me."

She leads him down several corridors until they reach the altar room. The shrine is small, filled with candles and a figure of the Lady crudely carved. Light rain drips through cracks in the ceiling.

She seats herself in front of the altar, and mutters prayers too low for him to hear. "Speak your wish to Her," the girl commands.

"My brother's kingdom," he says simply. His voice does not waver, but a chill settles over him as he considers the enormity of what he asks. The priestess's voice breaks the unearthly silence.

"She has heard your request and She will fulfill it, but I must ask that you reconsider. It is true that great kingdoms rise and sink as the wheel turns, but betraying blood has always carried a high price."

"I have made my decision."

She sighs, disappointed. "Then you shall have the knife of double nature. Follow me and I shall retrieve it for you."

As they exit the chamber, the girl removes her blindfold. "We are forbidden to look upon worshippers until they have made their request. The Lady requires that we hear all prayers without judgment." Her blue eyes look at him but seem full of faraway sadness.

He hears the rain outside deepening into a fresh storm. "Wait here," she instructs. He stands outside the door as she slips into her bedchamber, and quickly returns holding a small knife. The blade and handle are purest white.

"Go now. This knife will end your brother's rule. You cannot use it as a normal weapon, as the edge will not cut any flesh but his." He turns to leave, but pauses as she goes on. "Better you should leave now. Though our Lady has blessed your mission, I will not. I know better than most that luck never lasts."

He hurries away to begin the long journey home. The girl's last words linger with him, but he is determined to carry out his plan. He is eager, and goes as quickly as he can, but the storm delays his return. When he arrives, he hurries to his brother's bedchambers.

Ichigo rests uneasily, his brow furrowed in his sleep. Shiro pushes the knife into Ichigo's heart, and from where it touches him darkness begins to spread across the white blade until both blade and handle are solid black. As his consciousness recedes quickly, Shiro begins to feel a strong pulling sensation as he is swept into the open wound.

He wakes in an empty world. The clouds cross the blue sky vertically, and all around he hears the echoes of his brother's thoughts. He wanders through Ichigo's troubled mind, buildings full of thousands of hushed rooms without light. Rain comes down in sheets against the sideways glass.


	3. when angels speak of love

**Title: **when angels speak of love**  
Author:** tasteslikemiso  
**Characters/Pairings: **Shirosaki/Tatsuki  
**Rating:** M  
**Word count:** 269  
**Notes: ** Title taken from the October 3, 2005 prompt for **31_days**.  
**Summary: **The soul given release

* * *

His lips taste like sin and salvation. She drinks it in until she's dizzy, panting when they break apart. Her breath catches in her throat as she watches him tug off his shirt. His body has an exotic beauty, the taut muscles rippling under creamy pale skin. Her heartbeat echoes in her ears thunderously, he deftly unhooks her bra and she shrugs it off - more careless than she feels.

His lips go to her breasts, kissing first, then biting and hardly knowing what she asks for she pleads "harder." Where his teeth meet her nipple she feels a spark reverberate through her entire body, she moans softly in complaint when he stops. He trails his tongue down her body as his hands go quickly to her hips, slipping her out of her skirt and pulling her underwear off.

She becomes faintly conscious of a tickling wetness, his mouth pressed to her inner thigh as he traces along the sensitive flesh. Wanting more, she thrusts her hands into his hair and pulls him closer. He deepens the connection, bringing his tongue into her folds, lapping in short strokes with greater fervor. The rhythm of her blood is furious now, her hips strain to be closer to his mouth.

The pressure builds as she digs her fingers into the bed, crying out as she feels herself pushed over the edge. He laughs a little, to see her so intoxicated by orgasm, completely given into the heady cocktail of hormones and lust. Her eyes squeeze so tight she gets a view of the universe, stars bursting black on the white sky.


	4. why do you sleep with girls?

**Title: **why do you sleep with girls?**  
Author:** tasteslikemiso  
**Characters/Pairings: **Shirosaki/Tatsuki, Ichigo  
**Rating:** T  
**Word count:** 91  
**Notes: ** Title taken from the October 4, 2005 prompt for **31_days**. Alternate universe, high school setting.  
**Summary: **It's like filling something that's hollow.

* * *

"You and Tatsuki?"

Shiro scowled. "You don't have to sound so damn surprised."

"But it's Tatsuki! And it's you!" Ichigo protested. "So...what, are you guys like dating now?"

Her hands on his shoulders, legs straddling him as she pushes him back into the mattress.

His lips to her collarbone, pressing her against the wall in the alleyway after school.

"It's not like that." But Shiro doesn't really know how to describe it either.

"I've just never seen you guys like this before."

"Not everyone wants to die a virgin, Ichigo."


	5. 3rd measurement in C

**Title: **3rd measurement in C**  
Author:** tasteslikemiso  
**Characters/Pairings: **Shirosaki/Tatsuki, Ichigo  
**Rating:** T; domestic violence  
**Word count:** 543  
**Notes: ** Title taken from the October 5, 2005 prompt for **31_days**. I might continue writing in this universe later in this set.  
**Summary: **Don't say that I'm the one you want to lose.

* * *

He remembers the day Tatsuki stormed out of their apartment and never came back.

The fight had started loud and gotten louder, which wasn't unusual for them back then. She had been yelling, wouldn't get out of his face, wouldn't stop yelling. "Who are you to tell me what to do?" he said, "I thought we were past all this bullshit" she said and he hit her, shoving her down and it felt better and worse all at once. They had sparred before, but he had never hit her like that, bringing his full strength to bear and crashing her head into the edge of the nightstand. She was bleeding and he couldn't take it back, he wanted her to hit him back but she wouldn't. He kept yelling, trying to provoke her back into the fight - make it normal again, make it okay again. She was bleeding when she left the apartment and he was screaming at an empty room.

The days after that were harder to recall clearly, there was a lot of drinking and a lot of picking fights (all that old bullshit, Tatsuki would have said). Orihime had come by, she left a note explaining she packed up Tatsuki-chan's stuff and yes she's staying at our apartment and wouldn't you please stop calling at all hours of the night because she's not ever going to pick up. Ichigo didn't come at first, which struck Shiro as odd - his brother never missed a chance to play the hero, but he came a few days later with all the self-righteous fury Shiro expected.

A sound that was somewhere between a knock and a battering ram woke him up one afternoon. "Shiro! You fucking piece of shit! Open up!"

Ichigo beating the shit out of him wasn't the highlight of his week, but Shiro did learn a few useful things from their "conversation." Firstly, that Tatsuki was no longer staying with Orihime and Ishida (and so he actually should stop calling their place). Second, that she had refused to say anything on the matter of their break-up and claimed that the injury resulted from a match. And third, that she had just quit couchsurfing at Orhime's and moved into Ichigo's for the time being.

"If you think that Inoue or I bought that it was 'an accident' for one fucking second, you're fucking kidding yourself! I always knew you were no good for her, why can't you get your fucking act together long enough to hold onto the best damn thing that ever happened to you?!"

Ichigo's tirade required very little on Shiro's part to keep going, but eventually the string of expletives petered out and Ichigo left, slamming the door behind him. Shiro didn't ask to be improved, but the people in his life seemed hellbent on trying to do it anyway. He didn't ask to be constantly compared to Ichigo, med-student-probably-saves-kittens-from-trees-in-h is-spare-time-Ichigo, his twin brother and better in every way. And he certainly didn't ask to fall in love with Tatsuki, the only person he knew with a saving-people complex large enough to rival his brother's.

Shiro remembers wanting nothing more from his life than for everyone to fuck off and leave him alone. The day Tatsuki left him, they did.


	6. late night betty

**Title:** late night betty  
******Author:** tasteslikemiso  
******Characters/Pairings: **Shirosaki/Tatsuki**  
********Rating:** T  
******Word count:** 518**  
****Notes: **Title taken from the October 6, 2005 prompt for the livejournal community 31_days.**  
********Summary: **Tatsuki is no good at doing what she should, she and Shiro have this in common.

* * *

"She's cute I guess," Tatsuki says as she swipes through the pictures of Shiro's latest girl, all bright hair and smiles. "But what is it with you and bottle blondes?"

"Blondes find me, " he says casually, tucking away his phone. He orders them another round of drinks and asks "so are you seeing anyone?"

She's already prepared a lie for this very situation but feels it unraveling as she opens her mouth to answer. "No," she admits and he smirks or she imagines he does.

_"I'm seeing someone," he says, when she picks up the phone on the last ring. She really should have let it go to voicemail. They haven't spoken in months, it had ended messy. "I wanted you to hear it from me."_

_She feels her lips move, hears her own voice congratulate him, hears him ask her to drinks to catch up, hears herself accept. The entire evening is forgettable, she should say "remember how we used to make fun of people like this, of couples at dinner who made polite conversation and laughed politely and never felt anything at all?"_

They're sharing a ride home, it's cheaper this way and Tatsuki doesn't care or at least she imagines she doesn't. He slides his hand over her thigh in a familiar way.

She pushes it off, "don't make me get out and walk."

"Don't be like that," he says in a low voice and she shudders involuntarily. They've had too much to drink, but then it's always been that way with Shiro. He's always been a bad influence; he looks at her with drowning eyes. She wants to fall into him, it's always been too easy to fall back into bad habits with him.

Leaning into his shoulder, she should say "remember how we went out for years and then you cheated on me and then proposed to me and I said no and dumped you and then we kept sleeping together because it hurt too much to be together and hurt too much to stop?"

_"It's 2 in the morning. What are you doing up."_

_"Can't sleep."_

_"So you call me."_

_"Who else?"_

_"Literally anyone else."_

_"Come over."_

_"Good night, Shiro."_

_She wishes every conversation had ended like this. Their entire relationship should have ended like this, with her hanging up on him. Instead it stretches out for too long, wearing them both thin and riddling them with holes._

She threads her fingers into his, she should say "remember how you'd slept your way through half the city by the time I met you, remember how I was trembling that first time? Remember how you still have my record collection, how I still have your engagement ring?"

Instead she asks, "why are we like this?"

"Am I in love with you?" he says, by way of answer. She should get out of the car and call another, she should tell him she never wants to see him again, she should walk the rest of the way home.

Some people are more undone than others, instead they kiss in the back of the cab.


End file.
